


What I Once Was

by softrci



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Be Careful If You're Sensitive To It, But Still It's Kind Of A Huge Deal Here In The Story Line, Chanyeol Does Things But Quickly Tries To Turn Himself Around, Chanyeol Is An Asshole At First But It'll Make Sense, Cussing, Drinking, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, I Don't Know How To Describe It Without Just Saying Everything, I Promise It Isn't Horrible It's More Of A Full Redemption Fic, I'm Going To Hurt You Right Off The Bat SorRrY, Just Read It At This Point Lol, M/M, Nearly Car Sex, Nothing Described In Detail, Past Abuse, Redemption, Sehun Is Just... An Angel Here TBH, Slow Build, consent issues later on, slow healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-02-23 11:44:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23710984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softrci/pseuds/softrci
Summary: Chanyeol draws in a shaky breath, looking away, choosing the cowards way out and not meeting Sehun’s eyes, his entire body going numb in seconds knowing exactly what this was.“I’m leaving, ‘Yeol. You need to figure out whatever the fuck is wrong with you so you won’t destroy the next person you try to love.” Sehun states, bending down and picking up the other bag, drawing Chanyeol’s eyes to finally meet Sehun’s for what Chanyeol expects would be the last time.-Chanyeol:I was too latehe’s gone
Relationships: Oh Sehun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62





	What I Once Was

**Author's Note:**

> hi, I want to high key say that I'm not an abuse sympathizer before we're getting into this.  
> I'm basing most of this off of a close friend who ended up in a similar situation and how she got herself back, so I'm not going into this completely blind not knowing anything about it.  
> It's a pretty heavy topic at first, so if you're sensitive to this I would definitely say proceed with caution even though none of any abusive tendencies are presently described.

Chanyeol doesn’t know when it happened, but once it started, it stuck and no matter how much Chanyeol tried to fight it back, it always came out.

He loves Sehun, he really does, that’s just about the only thing he knows for certain at this point.

They met in middle school and Chanyeol was a goner from the moment he heard Sehun’s high pitched laugh directed at a joke he told in class. After that they were practically inseparable, always doing everything together and Chanyeol’s mind would always go to include Sehun by default, always wanting to be beside him.

Their first kiss was clumsy and nervous, teeth clicking together awkwardly on Sehun’s bed. Neither of them had confessed, and neither one of them could tell you who made the first move, but it happened so naturally for them at that point in their Junior year of High School. 

They never had the luxury of being able to go out on their first date early into the relationship, their small, conservative town would attack both of them, shame them for everything that they felt, so the relationship stayed inside closets and bathroom stalls, and inside both of their bedrooms. Both of their parents knew by Senior year and surprisingly, they didn’t mind.

When they both got accepted into the same college in the big neighboring city, they jumped at the chance without having to think about it too much. 

There, being gay and in love with another man wasn’t as deadly, the landlord of the apartments didn’t bat an eye when they came together to sign for a one bedroom. There, they were introduced to gay clubs and places that were safe havens for people like them, and it was like both of them could finally breathe without being constantly on edge.

But with that freedom came attention that Chanyeol had never had to adjust to.

Sehun was gorgeous and Chanyeol knew that, he knew that he should have expected that he’d get flirted with when Chanyeol stepped away to use the bathroom or get them a drink.

But that didn’t help him.

He’s always had Sehun to himself, away from prying eyes, so when he saw other guys, guys that were so much more than Chanyeol, watching Sehun, cracks started to form, and somehow, anger and jealousy filled them.

He can’t remember when it started, but for the last three months, Chanyeol has become a fucking _monster_ , and he _knows_ , he knows it hurts Sehun when he yells at him or gets dangerously possesive, wanting to know why he smells like another man’s cologne when he comes back from hanging out with friends.

He knows, but he doesn’t know _how to stop_.

He wants to, he hates what he’s become, how Sehun looks at him sometimes like he doesn’t even recognize him.

He hates himself for becoming like this, for not catching it sooner.

He doesn’t know if he can ever redeem himself for the hell he’s put Sehun through. 

Sehun, who never changed, who still is the man Chanyeol fell in love with through shy kisses and wandering hands.

Sehun, who stopped responding to his ‘have a good day, I love you’ before he left for class three days ago.

He’s fucked up in the head somewhere, and he just has to find it and change it before Sehun stopped giving him the second, and third, and tenth chances that he _doesn’t deserve_.

He stops drinking when they go out, which is once every few weeks now, even though Sehun still goes out with his friends every weekend. He knows he gets worse when his tongue is loosened by alcohol, it makes it too easy to yell and scrutinize every little thing. 

That helps some, and it helps him find other things to help him stop. When Sehun goes out he starts reading or watching a movie instead of waiting around for him like he usually does, because for years it’s always been him and Sehun joint at the hip all the time; he lashes out every time because he’s never had to adjust to this. 

_It works._

The next Friday night when Sehun goes out Chanyeol grabs the book he’s been reading every Friday, only letting himself read it _on Fridays_ to make sure he’ll be interested in it and not rush through it. 

Sehun comes home in the morning hours, later than he’s ever come home alone before, but Chanyeol hasn’t kept track of the time like he usually had before. 

The front door shutting snaps Chanyeol out of his haze, looking up to see Sehun not looking at him and walking right past him like he isn’t there to their bedroom.

Chanyeol’s breath escapes him as he sees the faint smudges of pink on his cheek, and the anger begins rising again.

 _What the fuck was that? Was that_ lipstick _or lip tint? Was Sehun seeing-_

“ _No_.” He scolds himself under his breath, trying to rein himself in and with shaky hands he dog ears the page in his book, leaving it sitting on the couch as he rushes towards the front door, grabbing his keys and slipping out, running the stairs down until he gets to the second floor out of breath. Every step he takes down he keeps telling himself no, scolding himself to never think like that again, that if he keeps it up Sehun is going to run out of chances to give him.

His fingers barely manage to dial Baekhyun on his phone, it taking a few tries, but once he sees that it’s going through, he raises the phone to his ear, biting the other hand’s nails to keep him present and not able to drift off into that horrible head space that had just threatened to take him over again. 

_“Chanyeol..?”_ Baekhyun’s voice sounds through the phone and that sends a flood of security through him, knowing he can’t do anything if Baekhyun is on the phone, he can’t turn into that monster. 

“Do I still have a chance to win Sehun back..?” He asks in a shaky voice, and the other side of the line goes quiet for a good minute.

Then, a soft sigh echoes from the line and Chanyeol’s heart starts racing. 

“I’m- I’m trying to change, I’m working on it, I’ve stopped drinking around him like people said to do on forums and I’m getting better at controlling it, he’s told you, hasn’t he? How bad I can get?” Chanyeol rambles, sounding so close to shattering and it doesn’t help that Baekhyun goes quiet again.

 _“So you’re aware of it.”_ Baekhyun says, a hint of disgust in his voice, and that’s why he called him out of everyone, he needs someone who won’t go easy on him. 

“I didn’t know how to stop but now I’m trying, I’m trying but I’m scared that Sehun _doesn’t_ care or at least he doesn’t see it.” Chanyeol says honestly, erasing the ‘I don’t think Sehun cares’ in his mind with ‘I’m scared he doesn’t’, making sure to always speak for himself only now, to not accuse Sehun of anything like his mind used to. 

_“You know what you’ve done, like you know where you’re in the wrong and how deep that shit hurt Sehun?”_ Baekhyun spits, not giving him any resistance before drilling into him, and he deserves it because Baekhyun probably knows Sehun’s mind better than Chanyeol has since this all started.

“I don’t- I don’t know, all I do know is that I’ve turned into some monster and I want to go back.” He says, working his way through his thoughts and the angry jealous ones that kept popping up every few seconds, making him wade through them to think straight. “I get bad when we’re out in the club, I hold him too tight and won’t let him leave my side for a second. It’s worse at home because there’s no one to correct me and Sehun- Sehun has to deal with it all al-alone.” Chanyeol starts, his voice cracking on the last word before he tries again. “Whenever he comes back from drinking every week I got jealous and accused him of so many things I know he’d never do when I have a clear mind but then I was just thinking about myself and-”

 _“You’ve convinced me you know it, you can shut up now.”_ Baekhyun interrupts him and Chanyeol’s mouth snapped shut with a wince at the fact that he still sounds so disgusted with Chanyeol. _“He’s accepted it, he stopped trying to get the old you back about a month ago.”_ He says and Chanyeol felt his heart drop from his chest and shatter on the floor right in front of him.

 _Sehun… He just accepted_ this _is Chanyeol now? That this is his boyfriend?_

“Why hasn’t he left me.” Chanyeol says in a quiet, shaky voice. “Why hasn’t he left me for someone who isn’t this angry and lashes out over such small things.” 

_“I’ve been trying to tell him, but he just smiles and tells me that I wouldn’t understand why you’re doing it, that he does, even though it hurts.”_

“I never had to see anyone stare at him like I have to do here.” Chanyeol rushes out, trying to explain and say the reason this all started out loud now that it’s slowly piecing together in his mind. “When I saw how good he was with other people and everyone interested in him, who _wouldn’t_ fall for him, I just built up cracks until I didn’t know what to do.”

 _“Ah, well that clears up a few things, but it doesn’t make the things you did to him any less abusive and disgusting.”_ Baekhyun says, and Chanyeol felt a lump grow in his throat. _“Instead of telling me this, you should be talking to Sehun now that you’ve calmed down.”_

Chanyeol pauses, the thought of going back up there and Sehun actually willingly talking to him at this point seeming so far fetched.

Almost as if he could read Chanyeol’s mind, Baekhyun scoffs. _“I’m hanging up now, go talk to him before he gets to his senses and leaves you for good.”_

With that, the line goes dead and Chanyeol stands there for a moment, too many thoughts running through his mind before one stuck out.

_Sehun is going to leave him if he doesn’t fix this soon_.

Racing back up the stairs is harder than coming down, admittedly, he had that anger filled adrenaline running through him the first time, and now, he was completely sobered up.

He has the words prepared, ready to explain everything inside his head that he’s shut out Sehun from the moment he sees him. He wants to, because this is a breakthrough that he hasn’t managed to achieve on his own and-

His heart drops the second time when he unlocks the door to their apartment, the one Sehun had been so excited to hang pictures up in and decorate, to see Sehun standing there like he was waiting for him to come back.

Sehun, standing there with two duffel bags, one on the floor by his feet and one already over his shoulder.

Chanyeol draws in a shaky breath, looking away, choosing the cowards way out and not meeting Sehun’s eyes, his entire body going numb in seconds knowing exactly what this was.

“I’m leaving, ‘Yeol. You need to figure out whatever the fuck is wrong with you so you won’t destroy the next person you try to love.” Sehun states, bending down and picking up the other bag, drawing Chanyeol’s eyes to finally meet Sehun’s for what Chanyeol expects would be the last time. 

He expected for them to be empty, for Sehun to just leave him like the trash he’s become.

There is a spark of something still there, something that he can still recognize from the moments they shared laughing against each other’s lips and falling asleep tangled up in each other. 

Somehow, that hurts worse than it would have if Sehun completely hated him, if he’d spoken to him like Baekhyun had. 

  
  


_Chanyeol:_

_I was too late_

_he’s gone_

  
  
  
  


Their apartment is too big for one person.

In the next week Sehun still hasn’t sent anyone to come get the rest of his things, and every day it aches in his chest more and more. 

He wakes up to an empty bed, something that even up until their last day together, had stayed the same for the five years they’ve been dating. 

There’s an extra chair at their dining table, and an extra set of silverware in their drawer (Sehun had always said they don’t need any more than two, that they’ll just wash it every time they eat). 

Sehun’s shampoo and conditioner is still in their shower, he forgot to take that, and Chanyeol wondered why he hadn’t when he spent years looking for the perfect match for his hair that left it silky and bouncy. 

Shows and movies are still recorded on the TV, one of them being Bohemian Rhapsody, the first movie they went to see in the city together, holding hands in public for the first time without any fear. 

Their pictures are still hung on the walls, their junior and senior prom where they went together as ‘friends’, but matched outfits to a T. Their graduation, where in one picture it’s them throwing up their caps, and the other Chanyeol is gazing at him seconds later, watching how beautiful Sehun looked in awe over the raining hats. There’s so many more, most just simple pictures of them taken by friends, most all of them with both of them too wrapped up in each other to even register the flash of a phone camera. 

There’s nothing in the apartment that’s from the last four months.

  
  
  
  


A week and a half in, a messy Chanyeol opens up the door to see Baekhyun and Jongin waiting there, and a sense of panic floods through him, scared that they’re here to erase every trace of Sehun from their shared apartment. 

“You look like shit.” Baekhyun snorts, pushing the door all the way open and walking in around Chanyeol, who was still rooted to the spot. Jongin gives him a hesitant smile, moving to step around him too and enter the apartment. 

“If you take the pictures will you at least send me copies of some of them..?” Chanyeol says in a quiet voice, not ready for this, but he knew it was coming inevitably. 

_Of course Sehun wasn’t coming back when he left, saying for Chanyeol to treat the next person better. Does he even want anything that will remind him of Chanyeol? He wouldn’t be too surprised if Sehun wanted to erase him from his life._

“We’re not here to take anything, we’re here for you.” Jongin says softly, walking over to him and resting a hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder, who visibly flinches at the touch, expecting to be slapped or _something_ when Jongin stepped closer. He’s closer to Sehun after all in their friend circle, after all.

“Why..?” Chanyeol murmurs, moving away from the touch confusedly, not understanding why they have come here for _him_ . They’ve seen what he’d turned into, they have seen it _first hand_. 

He walks back into the kitchen where he’d been interrupted from his coffee, plopping himself back down on his chair and hiding behind the cup, preparing himself the best he could right now for anything they’re about to throw in his face.

When he looked up he saw both of them looking around the kitchen and when he followed their eyes he cringed a bit. 

Everything of Sehun’s was exactly where he left them, Chanyeol hasn’t touched anything in fear that if he does, that’ll erase Sehun’s once active presence. In contrast, everything of his was messily thrown around without any care, something he never used to do because it always got on Sehun’s nerves. Hell, even his side of the bed is untouched, Chanyeol has been sleeping on the couch because he can’t bring himself to sleep in an empty bed.

“Why are you guys here? Don’t you know what I did?” Chanyeol murmurs, completely on edge to how calm they’re acting when Chanyeol was freaking out inside. 

“Yeol, did you get to talk to Sehun before he left?” Baekhyun finally asks, leaning against the counters. Chanyeol stays still for a moment before slowly shaking his head, the image of Sehun already waiting with packed bags to say goodbye flashing through his mind. “Why didn’t you fight for him? If you had told him what you told me on the phone he might have-”  
“He’d already made up his mind, it must have taken everything in him to pack his things up and wait there for me. I didn’t want to argue with him trying to convince him to say and risk blowing up.” Chanyeol says, knowing for a fact that at that moment he _would have_ blown up in that moment if Sehun refused to hear him out.

“He’s staying with me right now.” Jongin says carefully, like he is tip toeing around Chanyeol.

_Surprisingly, no ill feelings like jealousy pop up inside of him like he expects them to._

He waits for a few moments, making sure it wasn’t just delayed before he looks up, meeting Jongin’s eyes and seeing the clear hesitation he has towards Chanyeol. _He’s scared of Chanyeol_ , Chanyeol realizes after a second of holding his gaze, _he’s scared of him to an extent._

“He’s safe, right? He gets caught up in his head sometimes and-… Take care of him for me, yeah?” He says, catching himself before he could go on and on about Sehun and flood Jongin with questions about him.

That seemed to not be the reaction both of them expected from Chanyeol, because both of their expressions morphed into ones of surprise or shock. 

“You’re… _Not_ mad?” Jongin asks, and Chanyeol blinks a few times before he registers why they might have thought that. 

Chanyeol’s been calling his and Sehun’s mom every few days to run things by them to see if he was like this back then, and by now, he’s gotten most of the answers he needs to turn himself around. 

_If only Sehun could have stayed another week, or a few more days, just enough to see that Chanyeol was_ trying _. That he still could be who Sehun fell in love with._

He slowly shakes his head.

Baekhyun lets out a breath Chanyeol didn’t realize he’d been holding in that moment, relaxing fully back against the counter. “You weren’t lying when you said you were trying then, you sound a lot like you did when we all met.” He says, and instead of the harsh, degrading tone he’d heard that night over the phone his voice is soft, and Chanyeol’s first thought to that was _no, he doesn’t, he still has more to work on, he’s not fully through yet, it’s only been a week._

“I’m still working on it, I’m not there yet.” Chanyeol protests quietly, turning away and bringing his coffee back to his lips. 

“If he saw you now, if he saw how hard you’re _still_ trying even though he left-” 

“Doesn’t matter. He can do so much better than me now, he doesn’t- he doesn’t have to take a chance on me again. What if I slip up again and-”

“You’re not going to. If you were, you would have cracked that night when he left.” Baekhyun interrupts him right back, narrowing his eyes at Chanyeol and he could feel the weight of both of their eyes watching him carefully. 

“He’s waiting for you to reach out like you used to, he keeps checking his phone. Has since the night he showed up to my apartment.” Jongin adds, and Chanyeol’s eyebrows draw together in the middle, hearing loud and clear that Sehun hadn’t even realized he was trying by the time he left. He still thought Chanyeol was going to flip like a light switch and beg him to come back the next morning only to blow up at him when he got back, but he still was _waiting_ for that text even though he knew what was coming. The pent up emotions that would cause an explosion, and there isn’t any damage control, never has been. Sehun would have to deal with Chanyeol alone yet again.

That hurt more than if they had told him Sehun had moved on in the span of the week.

_Fuck, this has been the longest they’ve been apart for just about all of their relationship._

“He never realized I stopped drinking or cussing when he came back from handing out with you guys then.” Chanyeol says bitterly, but all of it was directed at himself, the though of _if he would have tried to show it more, show the progress he was making, would Sehun have still left?_

“I don’t blame him, if he noticed everything you did up until the end, he would have broken a long time ago.” Baekhyun says, and Chanyeol deserves to hear that, he didn’t think to find a way to stop it until it was pure hell for Sehun surely.

“I deserved it-”  
“You two have been together for _five years_ and you’re telling me you’re now not jumping at the chance to try to win him back?” Baekhyun states, pushing off the counter and stalking towards him with a pissed expression. “I’ve never seen two people look at each other the way you two did when you came here. Do you not love him anymore? Is that it?”

He is trying to get a reaction out of the old Chanyeol, who flickered for a moment but quickly burnt out on it’s own. 

_I’m scared of him not thinking I’m worth it anymore._

“I’ve never stopped loving him like I always have, but he-”

**_“Don’t talk for me.”_ **

Chanyeol’s entire body tenses up, fear shooting through his veins. 

_Sehun is here. Why is he here?! Is he finally coming to get his things? Did he come to cleanly cut off their relationship for good? When did he get into the apartment? How much did he hear?_

The two in front of him had small smiles on their lips, even though they were trying to bite them back. Chanyeol refuses to turn and look where they were, even as he hears the soft footsteps come his way. 

“Well, that’s our cue to leave you two alone, let us know if Sehun wants Jongin to drop off his stuff.” Baekhyun says, shooing Jongin out with him, who seems confused on why they need to be alone and Chanyeol shoots a ‘help me’ look to him, but Jongin just gives him a small, encouraging smile before they round the corner and disappear from sight. Seconds later he hears the front door open and close and his heart jumps into his throat.

The apartment is silent for a good few seconds, Chanyeol too scared to even take a deep breath in case he scares off Sehun when he’s worked _this hard_ to change himself back into someone Sehun would like again- someone he could _love_ again. He’s only had a week to try, and he’s scared Sehun won’t notice again or won’t think it’s enough to even be acknowledged as progress.

Then, footsteps begin again and out of the corner of his eye he sees Sehun heading towards his chair at the table across from Chanyeol, and Chanyeol just averted his eyes to his half finished coffee then, not willing to take any chance that would make Sehun leave again. 

“Baekhyun told me why you ran out that night.” Sehun’s honey voice says, and Chanyeol tenses because _of course he did_ . “He told me everything, but also,” Sehun starts before huffing out a small laugh, Chanyeol’s eyes shooting up to him on instinct, his body moving on autopilot desperately to catch that glimpse of a laugh. “You’ve been calling our moms? Did you _really_ think they wouldn’t call me to ask why you were asking so many things about how you were back then.” He says, raising a playful eyebrow and a small, slightly there smile pulled on his lips. 

_Huh, he hadn’t thought that one fully through._

“I-... I needed to check some things.” Chanyeol says quietly, and he knows he doesn’t deserve to feel so small and scared of interacting with Sehun now, because he made Sehun feel like this for _months_ . Trying to find yourself again without anyone to ask, though, was terrifying because he didn’t know what was him and what was _that_ side of him at first.

“Half of those things they called me to get the answer, because how would they know things like if you ever got overly jealous when girls would confess to me?” Sehun says, a laugh, _an actual laugh_ bubbling out of him and that causes Chanyeol’s eyes to widen in surprise, not being able to remember when the last time he even _heard_ Sehun laugh was. 

Chanyeol swallows over a lump in his throat, feeling not ready for this yet, he wanted to be fully back before Sehun saw him again. 

“That _was_ lip tint that night, I had a shot too many and the guy who asked me to dance got a bit handsy.” He says, and Chanyeol’s eyes shoot back to his coffee the moment he hears the words _lip tint_ , the confirmation not doing much of anything except making him rethink what he could have done before Sehun left to show him he was trying his best at the time. A little over a week ago he would have freaked out at that, but now… He just felt gross. Everything Sehun is saying is just driving the point further home that Sehun has given up on him.

The kitchen chair squeaks back against the floor, Sehun abruptly getting up and all Chanyeol can think is _he’s leaving for good this time._

But then he feels a hand smoothing against his cheek before settling on his jaw, gently urging Chanyeol to look up, and cursing his body for doing so automatically, for responding to Sehun’s touch so easily. 

He hesitantly meets Sehun’s eyes before the other looks all over his features, searching for _something_ for a good ten seconds before the small smile returns in full force, not a bright, toothy grin, but it was still something and it took Chanyeol’s breath away.

“I think you _are_ fully back, hyung.” Sehun says, his grin brightening as he got a surprised reaction out of Chanyeol. 

“But I still-” Chanyeol begins, about to point out one of the many things he has to finish adjusting, but Sehun cuts him off without any hesitation, rolling his eyes. 

“You were _never_ perfect, Chanyeol.” Sehun says, taking his hand back and watching him with fond eyes, leaving Chanyeol craving that touch again. “It’s okay if you leave clothes around the apartment or set the knife from toast in the sink for later, those aren’t big deals, you’ve always done that.” 

Chanyeol blinks a few times, not knowing how to respond to that for a few seconds. “But- But you don’t like it and I can do better-”

“I don’t want better, I just wanted _you_ back this entire time. I left in hopes you’d realize what you were doing, but apparently you’d realized it weeks ago and were already working on getting things under control.” He says, some of the fondness bleeding into his voice and Chanyeol feels like he didn’t deserve to be looked at after all of this, Sehun shouldn’t take him back so easily. “God, I love you ‘Yeol. Nothing is going to change that. When Baekhyun said why you thought it started, I understood because _I_ got like that too at first, you just don’t remember.” Sehun says and that draws Chanyeol’s eyebrows together in the middle again, but seconds later Sehun brings up his hand and smooths his thumb over the space, relaxing Chanyeol’s features with one simple touch. His body is wired to Sehun’s, after all. 

“I was so much worse, though. It spiraled out of control and I was trapped and didn’t know how to make it stop-” Chanyeol begins to ramble, quick to take any sort of blame Sehun could give himself right now and shift it back to him, having never felt Sehun do anything wrong like he did, hell, he didn’t even notice Sehun get possessive or angry or jealous.

“I knew you didn’t mean to blow up at me every time; you stopped letting yourself touch me after a few times when you did anything out of line, like you were scared you’d act out and hurt me. I can read you, ‘Yeol. I knew you were battling with yourself, you’re not exactly the most subtle and it was written all across your face after you did something.” Sehun reassures, but Chanyeol still doesn’t understand why Sehun keeps insisting that he wasn’t a monster the past few months. 

“That doesn’t make what I did right.” Chanyeol insists, knowing better than to take the bait and let himself get out of this too easily. “I should have figured something out earlier, I knew it was happening but didn’t think to look for ways to stop it.” 

“It wasn’t right, but it’s okay now; I’m not holding that against you. You’ve always been jealous and hot headed. You blew up at the teacher in history class senior year because she gave me lunch detention, remember?” Sehun says, the smile never leaving his lips, and one tugged on Chanyeol’s at the memory. 

_He’d been bugging Sehun, tugging on the bracelet he’d gotten him and Sehun had elbowed him to get him to stop, but the teacher had caught it and fussed at Sehun. So, as any rational boyfriend would do, Chanyeol made a scene to distract from Sehun and in the end, Chanyeol ended up with a week of after school detention and Sehun walked a free man. It was Chanyeol’s fault anyways, he was trying to get Sehun’s attention to tell him some stupid joke he’d heard on the way to class._

“There he is, that’s you, ‘Yeollie. I stuck around waiting for a reason, let me decide if I want to try again and stop trying to push me away from wanting to be your boyfriend again.” Sehun says with a bright laugh, moving to pinch Chanyeol’s cheeks at the same time that Chanyeol’s eyes widen at the last thing he’d said. 

“You… Still want to be with me? What if I slip up again?” Chanyeol timidly asks, even though Sehun’s hands were squishing his cheeks, garbling his voice. 

“Then I’ll kick your ass before you can do anything, hyung. I know the warning signs well enough to spot it coming now.” Sehun says, a big smile on his face and he moved to awkwardly press his hands towards Chanyeol’s lips, making him squawk and pull away, both of them ending up laughing, Chanyeol’s voice barely coming out and Sehun’s high pitched laughter echoing though the apartment. 

  
  
  
  


Chanyeol is hesitant on everything the first night with Sehun back home, but the other easily and confidently leads him through everything.

“If you don’t cuddle me soon I’m going to kick you out and you’ll have to sleep on the sofa again.” Sehun says after they’d gotten settled in bed under the covers and Chanyeol hadn’t reached out for Sehun like he usually did. 

That draws a genuine laugh out of Chanyeol and he reaches out, drawing a content Sehun into his arms. 

“I haven’t slept much in the last week, I don’t think we’ve ever gone a week without at least talking to each other on the phone while we were dating.” Sehun says, and Chanyeol hums in agreement, tangling their legs together. 

Right here, right now, this was Chanyeol’s home. 

It was worth the week over analyzing himself and wondering if Sehun could even love him anymore. 

Because here Sehun was, nuzzling into his chest and letting out a happy sigh for the first time in _months_ of them still sleeping in the same bed.

  
  
  


Chanyeol isn’t ready to go back to how they were right away, he needs time to figure out how his feelings are about the small things again now that he isn’t blinded. 

Sehun understands, he really does, he repeats that he does every time Chanyeol leans away from a touch, alarmed by the feeling of butterflies or giddy anxiousness whenever Sehun does something anymore. It’s been for what feels like too long since he felt like this, and he’s trying his best to relearn everything and get comfortable in his own skin enough to _let_ himself think _‘fuck, that’s my boyfriend’_ fondly whenever Sehun dances around their kitchen or sends him a funny video when they’re a foot apart and he could have just turned the screen. 

Sehun understands, but he never changes the way he acts with Chanyeol. He’s still the same guy Chanyeol fell in love with; he still drapes his dead weight across Chanyeol in the mornings when he tries to get up, he still kisses his cheek noisily to tease him. The only thing he doesn’t do anymore, and the thing he lets Chanyeol dictate, is kissing, at least on the mouth that is. 

  
  


When Chanyeol leans in one morning as they’re taking a shower together and tentatively brushes their lips together for the first time in nearly a month now, Sehun is ecstatic and glues himself to Chanyeol. He steals kiss after kiss under the spray of the shower head, taking all that Chanyeol is willing to give at this point, but never pushing for anything more.

It’s hard relearning everything and still fighting with the ghost of what he used to be, but these small moments of peaceful affection, doing something they always used to, makes everything worth the effort.

  
  
  
  


There’s a learning curve, but the only time Chanyeol feels himself starting to slip is when Sehun invites him out one Friday to grab a drink with everyone.

The night starts flawlessly, and halfway though Chanyeol even relaxes enough to let Sehun tip his glass against Chanyeol’s lips, eagerly telling him to try the drink. 

But every good thing is tested, nothing is easy trying to change, and when he looks up minutes later he locks eyes with a man with pink lip tint, who was just running his eyes over Sehun’s entire body lewdly. 

_It couldn’t be the guy that Sehun danced with that night_ , the still rational part of his brain supplied, but the creeping of jealousy and possessiveness inched into his veins regardless.

Sehun takes notice of Chanyeol’s sudden drop in mood a few seconds later; he’s sitting across Chanyeol’s lap and he can feel it when he tenses up.

“Channie, can we go see a movie for Valentine's Day? It’s this Friday you know.” Sehun asks just loud enough for the both of them, and Chanyeol manages to rip his eyes away from the man to focus back on Sehun, wrapping his arms tighter around him, but not in a possessive way. He just needs something to ground him right now.

“Anything you want to do, hyung.” Chanyeol murmurs, resting his head against Sehun’s shoulder. “We need to go back home sometime during the break, my mom doesn’t believe me that we’re okay.” Chanyeol says a bit louder, changing the subject to something he can’t get mad at. Their moms truly _have_ been pestering Chanyeol after the whole episode of rapid questions, so maybe it was time to go home for a few days. They haven’t been back since they moved out here, after all. 

“I’ll talk to them and see when we can drop by, they’ll be ecstatic to get to pester us for details in person.” Sehun says with a soft chuckle, the hand not holding his drink running through Chanyeol’s hair. “Want to dye our hair before we go home? Give them a scare?” Sehun says, and when Chanyeol raises his head just enough to lock eyes with them, there’s a familiar mischievous glint in his eyes that Chanyeol didn’t know he desperately misses until he sees it.

  
  
  
  


“Do you remember how to do this?” Sehun asks, mixing the bleach in a plastic bowl they picked up at the same place.

Chanyeol pauses, holding back a laugh in amusement before he spoke finally. “Do you _not_ remember me having red hair half of high school?” He asks, the laugh unable to be kept from leaking into his voice, and that makes Sehun groan and roll his eyes. 

“Shut up, I was just making sure.” Sehun just about whines, and Chanyeol tosses his head back with a laugh, almost dropping his own bowl only filled with pink dye since he’s already nearly platinum blonde. 

Before now Sehun was always wary of dying his hair, he’s had his natural black color since Chanyeol met him countless years ago in middle school. So when he asked about dying their hair, Chanyeol expected that he only meant _him,_ not both of them. 

“You’re going to look good, you can pull off anything you put your mind to and hair isn’t any different.” Chanyeol reassures, gently massaging the bleach into Sehun’s hair, everything put in there but Chanyeol just wants to make sure it’s all covered. Sehun is seated on their toilet with Chanyeol standing in front of him, and when Sehun looks up at him with the most loving, bright smile at the words, Chanyeol feels like he’s going to faint. “Don’t look at me like that.” Chanyeol tries to grumble out, but it came out as a high whine more than anything. 

That makes Sehun squeak out a laugh, and that doesn’t do anything to soothe his rapidly beating heart.

“I love you, ‘Yeol.” Sehun says and it catches Chanyeol off guard, his cheeks and ears turning a bright red. “You don’t have to be so careful with me, it’s been two months since you last blew up you know.” He comments and Chanyeol’s eyes widen, his mind racing just from that one sentence.

“I-... do you want me to? I can if you want-” Chanyeol begins to ramble, ready to figure out what Sehun needs him to do, but two hands on his waist stopped his train of thought. 

“I want you to do things _you_ want to, you’re allowed to get clingy sometimes and steal kisses, you used to love doing that.” Sehun says carefully, his voice soft and it swirled around in his thoughts, trying to get himself to let go of that hesitance. “You’ve done so much in these two months, but I just wish… you would let yourself have things you want.” He adds, and that manages to break through Chanyeol’s thoughts, his hands completely stilling where they are in Sehun’s hair still. 

He’s quiet for just about a solid minute, eyes locked with Sehun’s as he tries to solidify his thoughts enough to speak again. 

“Okay…” He breathes out, blinking a few times. “Okay, I can try. I’ll at least ask for things I want, you should too, though. I’ll give you anything you want.” Chanyeol reassures and finishes up with the bleach, taking off the gloves and giving him a soft smile. 

Sehun makes a noise at least in acknowledgement of that, and Chanyeol is happy that at least they were mostly on the same page.

“I’m going to soak your shirt if you don’t lean more forward.” Chanyeol fusses, turning on the water and grabbing the shower head to rinse the bleach out from Sehun’s hair.

“It’s _your_ shirt.” Sehun counters,, giving him a small playful grin before leaning forward further like Chanyeol asked. 

He just grumbled in response, threading a hand through Sehun’s hair before bringing the shower head down to begin the process of rinsing all the bleach carefully out of his hair.

“You’d look good as a blonde.” Chanyeol murmured as Sehun laid with his head in his lap, both of them relaxing on the couch for a little bit after two rounds of bleaching, taking a break before they started fully dying Sehun’s hair orange and Chanyeol’s pink.

“You think so?” Sehun asked quietly, blinking his eyes open from where he’d closed them at the feeling of Chanyeol running a hand through his hair. 

Chanyeol hummed in conformation, giving him a soft, loving smile. “Yeah, maybe not such a golden blonde, more dusty would fit you.” 

“Then I’ll keep it like this for now, we can dye it orange after a while of it like this.” Sehun said easily and Chanyeol raised his eyebrows in surprise, not expecting Sehun to just change his plans in a second just because of an off handed comment by Chanyeol.

“Okay.” He breathed out with a small, light chuckle, continuing to run his fingers through his hair. 

Chanyeol ran his hands through Sehun’s hair, washing the toner out of his hair that changed the color from golden to dusty.

“I love you.” He mumbled quietly, the words nearly getting drowned out by the fall of water from the shower head. 

In the matter of a second Sehun is turning back to him, his eyes widened a bit in surprise at how he’d just said it out of nowhere, something that he’d only say when Sehun said it first now. 

“I love you too.” Sehun responded easily with a bright smile, leaning up to press a quick peck to Chanyeol’s lips before turning back around so Chanyeol could finish his task.

Just like that, Chanyeol’s world lights up again. 

  
  


“Are you going to tell our parents about the entire thing?” Sehun asked and Chanyeol stole a glance at him from the road, the younger sitting completely relaxed and at home in the passenger seat of the car they’ve had for what seems like a lifetime.

“No.” He mumbled after a moment of thinking about it, knowing his mother would just worry continuously if she knew the real extent of how messed up he’d been when he was calling her and Sehun’s mom two months ago. 

To say Sehun’s mom was surprised by his new hair would be an understatement, but it wasn’t a bad type. He’d always been too shy to draw that much attention to himself, always kept most of his style calm just not wanting to draw more eyes. 

Both of the moms gathered at Sehun’s house since Chanyeol is going to be staying at this house instead of going back and forth for the weekend. 

“Hi mama.” Chanyeol murmurs, feeling her hand pat his bicep before squeezing there, both of them inside of the kitchen while Sehun and his mom are outside in the living room talking about Sehun’s classes.

“How have you been, Yeol?” She asks softly, giving him a gentle smile and Chanyeol returned it without hesitation.

“I’m doing okay, sorry for the calls, but I’m okay now- _we’re_ okay.” Chanyeol murmurs and even though her eyes still had suspicions inside them, she seems to trust him right now enough to take his word. 

“Sehun loves you, don’t worry so much about the small things.” She reassures nevertheless and that resonates with Chanyeol more than it probably should, silencing him for a moment. 

“Yeah, I know, I just needed to talk to someone.” He says honestly, shrugging a bit and hearing a laugh from Sehun echo through the open doorway. It turns his attention and when he looks back to her she’s grinning, nodding her head to the doorway for him to go back and see what Sehun is doing like he immediately wants to.

“Go get him, you sap.” She says and Chanyeol grins dopey, moving to trail out the kitchen and padding over to the couch where Sehun is at. He plops down beside him, a soft smile pulling on his lips as Sehun’s hand closest to him reaches out instinctively to lace their fingers together.

Chanyeol happily takes his hand in his own, giving Sehun a light squeeze before completely relaxing into the couch behind him. He watches as Sehun catches up with their moms, better with words about the last months than Chanyeol could ever be; he can barely talk to Sehun about it after all.

It doesn’t take long for the sun to begin to set and for Chanyeol’s mom to head out, not before bear hugging Chanyeol and kissing his cheek one last time for good measure, making him laugh. 

They end up sleeping in the guest room together instead of Sehun’s old bedroom like they used to. Chanyeol wasn’t _this_ tall when they began everything, and one of them would fall off of the bed five minutes into sleeping since it only has a twin bed.

Chanyeol strips down to his underwear, stealing a glance over to Sehun who’s doing the same. His mind is still steadily going along through thoughts, sorting out things every other second as he finally moves to peel the blankets back from their current bed for the weekend. It feels weird not sleeping in a bed stained with the smell of both their shampoos, but he lays down nevertheless, stretching out his legs with a soft groan. He feels the bed dip on the other side and in seconds, there’s another body under the blankets and cold feet pressed against his lower legs.

Chanyeol lets out a soft hiss, earning a light laugh from Sehun who’s moving closer, reaching out for Chanyeol. It comes easy to him, the way that he just gathers Sehun up in his arms and feels the other snuggle into his collarbones. 

“I love you…” He murmurs, already feeling Sehun’s wide grin slowly forming against his skin. 

“I’ll never get tired of hearing that.” Sehun murmurs against his skin before moving up, a loving kiss pressing against his lips. 

Chanyeol melts into the kiss, letting out a content noise in his throat and properly slotting his lips against Sehun’s. They draw the kiss out for a while, keeping it slow and innocent before Sehun finally pulls away and rests his head back against Chanyeol.

“I love you too.” He murmurs and that sends warmth through Chanyeol that’s intense enough to make his toes curl for a second. He still can’t believe he’s this lucky even this far in that Sehun fell for _him_. 

They fall asleep effortlessly, tangled up in each other just like they used to five years ago.

The weekend flies past far too quickly for Chanyeol’s liking, but at the same time he loves every second of their small vacation. He feels at home, which should be obvious, but it’s… different. He feels at ease here, away from their apartment where he’d lost himself, falling into old habits more so now than ever. 

It makes it easier for Chanyeol to initiate things now, not big things, but things that feel like a huge step for both of them. 

Chanyeol steps back into the kitchen, seeing that Sehun is still cooking on the stove where Chanyeol had left him. He walks closer, not realizing what he’s doing until he’s already wrapping himself around Sehun, his arms looping around his waist. 

Sehun’s breath hitches, and for a split second Chanyeol thinks he’s done something wrong. Then, Sehun is completely leaning back into him, making Chanyeol support the majority of his weight and it feels too familiar for Chanyeol to avoid it now and take back his touch. 

“This okay?” He asks quietly, pressing a soft kiss into Sehun’s hair and Sehun is nodding the moment the words leave his mouth. 

“You’ve been feeling better this weekend, right?” He asks as Chanyeol rests his chin on the younger’s shoulder, nodding a tiny bit and watching as he continues to cook breakfast. 

It feels… like he’s back fully. He isn’t scared he’s going to hurt Sehun this weekend, he just is in something similar to limbo, just honestly wanting to _love him_. His anxiety has been completely dropped since the first night, and he isn’t sure how much Sehun has noticed, but a week ago Chanyeol would have stopped himself halfway, overthinking everything again. 

It took two and a half months, but Chanyeol finally feels like he’s okay again. 

Sehun’s mom barely lets them go after smothering them with hugs at least three separate times. They make it to the car and after what feels like too short of a weekend, they’re on their way back home, beginning the hour drive back.

It couldn’t have been ten minutes before Chanyeol’s hands are itching to touch Sehun in some way, hearing the other humming along to every song that plays from the old CD he’d put in.

They hit a red light and the car comes to a brief stop, enough for Chanyeol’s thoughts to break into actions.

Chanyeol reaches over the console, his right hand finding Sehun’s thigh where he has both of his legs crossed under him. It feels right to do, and after a moment he realizes it’s something he used to do when they began dating and couldn’t do much in public, but his hands were always out of sight.

Sehun’s body reacts on instinct, pressing against the light touch even if Chanyeol could hear his breath stutter. He doesn’t move away or remove Chanyeol’s hand, so he glances over to him for a quick moment. 

And Sehun… Sehun looks surprised, but not in a bad way. His jaw is slightly dropped, but his eyes? He’s looking at Chanyeol the way he used to when this would happen, and it sends a tingle up his spine. 

All Chanyeol offers is a slight raise to one eyebrow before he’s looking back to the road, beginning to drive again moments later when the light turns green. 

Sehun shifts his legs after a moment, and Chanyeol just guesses he’s getting comfortable.

“You might not want to grab my thigh like that, Yeol.” Sehun speaks up after a moment and that makes Chanyeol raise his eyebrows in surprise, stealing a quick glance over to him and seeing _something_ there that he can’t identify from just one quick glance. 

“‘M not doing anything.” He says innocently, taking a turn onto the long road into the city, mostly a straight stretch from now on until they get close to home. 

“You’re doubting how easily you turn me on.” Sehun says not even a second after Chanyeol finishes speaking, stunning Chanyeol for a few seconds before he has to take a deep breath to calm himself back down. 

Chanyeol moves his hand, tightening his grip now on the inside of his thigh as a clear warning. 

It doesn’t seem to stop Sehun though. Not at all. “I haven’t got your hands on me like this in _months_ , we’ve only went as far as making out so it’s not going to take much-”

“You can take _much more_ than this before breaking.” Chanyeol says in a steady voice, his grip on the thigh not letting up. “I’m just touching your thigh, Hyunnie.” 

“Not fair! I’m pent up and you’re _you_ sitting right there!” Sehun whines, squirming again causing Chanyeol to tighten his grip further, holding him still. 

“I’m driving, you’re not getting what you want right now.” He says, not breaking even though the thought of pulling over and climbing over there is slowly creeping into his thoughts. 

“Just talk to me, I can get off to that, you don’t have to do anything else.” Sehun bargains and Chanyeol’s grip loosens a tiny bit. 

“You’re just going to get off in the passenger seat right now? You can’t wait until we get home?” He asks, but his hand is already moving up out of curiosity, finding Sehun already beginning to get hard in his pants from just Chanyeol’s hand on his thigh and them talking. 

Sehun jerks a bit when Chanyeol’s hand ghosts over his jeans, letting out a sinful noise in surprise and that’s enough for Chanyeol’s self-restraint to break. 

“God fucking dammit.” He grumbles, snatching his hand back and gripping the steering wheel tightly in an attempt to ground himself. Sehun makes an abrupt sound of disappointment as soon as Chanyeol’s hand leaves him, but Chanyeol quickly interrupts him before he can speak again.

“Two choices, Sehun. I can pull over and give you a quick hand job, or you wait until we get back and I can spend the night making it up to you.” Chanyeol lays out, watching the red light they’re approaching to make sure it doesn’t suddenly turn just as they’ve stopped in traffic. Chanyeol looks back over to Sehun, seeing the other _pouting_ for heaven’s sake. He just might not survive this ride home. 

“That’s not fair, we’ve fucked in here before.” Sehun argues, but Chanyeol isn’t budging this time, not like he easily used to. This is the first time they’ve done anything in _months_ and he’s not fucking in a crammed backseat. 

“Not one of the choices.” He says, raising an eyebrow again. “If you can’t decide by the time this light changes I won’t do an-”

“Home. I want to go home.” Sehun says in a split second, but in the next Chanyeol feels a wandering hand in his own lap and a challenging glint appears in Sehun’s eyes. 

Chanyeol pauses a moment too long, and a small, amused smile pulls on Sehun’s lips. 

“Light’s green, hyung.” He says, and Chanyeol just curses under his breath, letting off the brake and beginning to drive again, shaking his head fondly. 

  
  


“You could have said something before now, you know…” He murmurs, unlocking the apartment door and throwing his keys on the table by the entrance. 

“I didn’t want to push you, I know you would have done it if I asked, but you wouldn’t have been fully comfortable, right?” Sehun responds, not missing a beat as he slips off his jacket, both of them taking off their shoes side by side. 

“I guess.” He grumbles, looking over to Sehun and seeing him struggling with his last shoe, trying to get it off impatiently without untying it. A soft, amused laugh escapes him, making Sehun’s eyes shoot to him.

“I want you to touch me, hyung.” Sehun murmurs as he gets the shoe off and straightens back up. “I waited for the entire ride, I was patient, and now I can get my way right?” He asks, but it’s already not directed as a full question, stepping closer to Chanyeol and reaching out to touch his shoulders.

“How far do you want me to take it?” He questions, his hands coming to Sehun’s sides and quickly finding the hem of his shirt, slipping under it without hesitation. 

“You know when to stop, you always do.” He murmurs, not giving Chanyeol a chance to say anything else before his lips are covering Chanyeol’s. He’s not complaining, though. Not when Sehun is plastering his body against Chanyeol’s, trying to slip a thigh between the taller’s.

Chanyeol’s suddenly being pushed back, Sehun leading them to their bedroom blindly, stopping a few times on the way to start to drop clothes. 

By the time they get on the bed Sehun only has his shirt on, and Chanyeol’s shirt is gone but his pants are undone and Sehun’s hands are far down them. 

“‘M not getting rough tonight.” Chanyeol breathes out against Sehun’s lips, climbing on top of him and stealing one last kiss before he’s trailing off down his jaw. 

“I don’t want rough right now, I just want you to take care of me.” Sehun responds, and that tugs on his heart inside his chest. 

“Take it off, baby.” He murmurs, sitting back up and wiggling out of his pants and boxers, tugging the nightstand drawer open and pausing for a moment. “Condom?” He questions, not knowing if Sehun wanted to deal with the mess tonight because sometimes it’s just more convenient to not have to when they get lazy afterwards.

“Hell no.” Sehun grumbles like it should be more than obvious, making Chanyeol laugh and return with just a bottle of lube in his hand. “You’re sure you’re okay with going further?” He asks, this time his voice dipping into something serious, something more mature and holding more intent than it usually does.

Chanyeol pauses for a good second before he wets his lips, leaning back down to cage Sehun in with his arms again. 

“If I wasn’t I would have hesitated a long time ago, I’m completely on board.” He reassures, leaning in to press a brief kiss to his lips before pulling back again to slick up a few of his fingers. “I’m okay, don’t hold back for what you think is for my sake.” 

Sehun’s legs find their way around his waist again and Chanyeol has to practically pry one of them off to push it towards his chest, giving him enough room to work with right now. When Chanyeol eases in one finger up to the second knuckle though, he doesn’t feel the resistance he’s expecting.

Chanyeol looks up, raising an eyebrow in question and from the dark blush starting to overtake Sehun’s cheeks he realizes he’s been caught. 

“Before you got up this morning I took a shower.” Sehun finally discloses after Chanyeol slips in to the last knuckle, his eyes still on the other’s features. “Your hands feel better than mine.”

Images of Sehun getting off in the shower, his own fingers up his ass flash through Chanyeol’s mind, drawing a deep groan out of him. _Fuck._

Chanyeol makes quick work of stretching him around his fingers now knowing that. He only stops when he feels certain that Sehun could take a fourth, and maybe a fifth with a little more work.

Sehun, honest to god, _whines_ when Chanyeol steps and withdraws his hand from between his legs, a small smirk pulling on Chanyeol’s lips at the reaction. Before he can move however, a hand is wrapping around his wrist and stopping him from doing anything for the moment, Chanyeol’s eyes immediately flicking back up to meet Sehun’s. 

“Like this. I want to kiss you.” Sehun says a bit hesitant, and the smirk is wiped off of Chanyeol’s lips, a growing fond smile replacing it.

“Of course sweetheart.” He murmurs, coming up to press a slow, languid kiss and in the same movement grabbing back the lube and making quick work of slicking up his dick before wiping off his hand on the blanket. It’s crazy how quickly Sehun can distract him, because Sehun is drawing his bottom lip into his mouth and Chanyeol lets out a muffled moan. It’s only seconds before Sehun’s tongue is back in his mouth, the kiss completely _filthy_ even if they’re drawing it out without much urgency. His mind goes static, his dick completely forgotten in favor of letting Sehun take all he wants from him.

After a couple minutes of that, though, Chanyeol suddenly registers a hand finding his ass, gripping there and pulling his hips closer. 

“Fuck me.” Sehun instructs against his lips, and Chanyeol jerks when he feels a teasing slap to his ass.

“Still as bossy as ever.” Chanyeol murmurs, reaching down and lining himself up with Sehun's hole, pushing inside slowly.

Both of them moan at the feeling, Chanyeol ducking his head into the crook of Sehun’s neck, bringing his other hand back up to cage him in again fully. It’s almost too much for him, Sehun is already clenching around him and his nails have found his shoulder blades, digging in there without hesitation.

He goes slowly, easing them into the familiar feeling until he’s bottomed out inside of him. 

The hand stays on his ass, but the other strays up to tangle into his hair. “Kiss.” Sehun murmurs quietly, but Chanyeol hears him just the same as if he’d yelled the request. 

Chanyeol lifts his head and slots his lips back against Sehun’s, the other letting out a content hum. It takes a minute for both of them to relax, distracting themselves with feeling each other up, already having each other’s bodies memorized but getting reacquainted now.

“Move.” Sehun says almost too quietly for him to hear, but he more so feels it against his lips. 

Chanyeol rolls his hips once just to test the waters, and the stutter in breath he earns from Sehun is enough of a go ahead as he needs. 

He properly moves his hips back before thrusting back in, drawing out moans from the both of them. It doesn’t take long for him to find a pace comfortable for the both of them, both of Sehun’s hands finding their way back to Chanyeol’s back and shoulders.

It isn’t too much, just enough that it’s able to get both of them off. When Chanyeol’s mouth strays from Sehun’s he whines at the loss, something that sends fire through Chanyeol’s veins and he begins thrusting a bit harder, mouthing along Sehun’s jaw before turning to his neck.

When the kisses get below his ear and to the middle of his neck Chanyeol feels Sehun’s nails dig into his shoulders again. 

_So this hasn’t changed the slightest either._

The moment Chanyeol nips Sehun’s neck the other lets out a broken moan and tightens dangerously around Chanyeol’s cock, drawing out a guttural sound from him in return. Chanyeol easily presses his mouth there, sucking on that spot a bit harshly, clear intent behind his actions. Sehun jerks when Chanyeol’s tongue flicks out to run over the area, and Chanyeol would have laughed at the reaction he got from something simple, but his brain is completely in a state of mess from the hot walls so fucking tight around him and the nails consistantly digging into his skin. Chanyeol moves back up, pressing a small kiss to Sehun’s lips again, feeling heels dig into the small of his back. 

“More…” The blonde says in a pleading voice, and who is Chanyeol to deny him when he sounds so fucking perfect.

Chanyeol sits back up a bit, just enough to grab his legs from around his waist and easily press them closer to his chest, letting his cock go deeper inside of him. Sehun’s moans kicked up an octave at that, and a few thrusts in Sehun jerks, a loud gasp ripped from him, the sound quickly stuttering into a needy moan louder than the previous ones.

“There- Right there! Please ‘Yeol.” Sehun whines, grabbing at anywhere he can on Chanyeol, his nails dragging down and leaving pink marks trailing after his hands everywhere they go. 

Chanyeol tightens his grip on Sehun’s thighs, keeping him decently still and not squirming around as he thrusts again, a bit of pride bubbling in his chest as Sehun throws his head back with a loud moan, a clear indicator that Chanyeol has found that spot again. From there on Chanyeol aims there, his thrusts getting a little bit harder as pleasure starts to overtake him. 

He only lets up when Sehun’s thighs begin to shake on their own, the other’s breath coming out in needy pants like he can’t get enough air into his lungs. For a moment his thrusts slow enough for him to drop the other’s legs back down, letting them instinctively wrap back around his waist as he covers Sehun’s body with his own again, knowing all too well how Sehun is in this state of mind when he gets close to cumming. 

His hips pick right back up where they left off, leaning down fully to press a sloppy quick kiss to Sehun’s lips, not even trying to kiss right now with both of them too lost in the feeling. 

“God, you’re so beautiful like this.” Chanyeol breathes out, ducking his face back into Sehun’s neck, his mouth right beside his ear. “Want to keep you right here ‘nd fuck you for hours until you’re dripping with my cum.” He adds, his mouth getting away from him, and the reaction is immediate, the hands that have made their way back to his shoulder blades dig in there and a loud, choked out moan echoes through the room at the same time that Sehun clamps down tight around his cock, ripping out a choked moan from him unexpectedly. “I love you so much, baby. You’re close, yeah?” Chanyeol’s surprised his voice doesn’t fully fail, but it does waver in a few spots, feeling himself getting close to his tipping point. Sehun nods like his life depends on it and at this point his hands can’t keep still, searching for something to grip onto but never being able to keep them in one place for more than a second. “Then cum for me, I wanna see you.” Chanyeol says, raising his head again and even though his focus isn’t the best right now and his mind is completely offline, he can’t help but stare in awe at how blissed out Sehun looks right now. 

Chanyeol gets a hand between them wrapped around Sehun’s cock and two pumps later Sehun is crying out, painting both their stomachs and chests in cum and the sound of him paired with the way his walls waver in pressure around his cock sends him abruptly over the edge. His hips stutter, whole body tensing as he spills into Sehun, the other’s name on his tongue the entire time.

It takes longer than both of them are probably willing to admit to come down from their highs, Chanyeol still holding himself up over Sehun even though his muscles feel like they’re about to give out any second.

Sehun blinks his eyes open groggily, already looking like he’s ready to pass out and it draws a fond chuckle from Chanyeol. 

As gently as he can, he pulls out from Sehun, trying not to get most of the mess on the blankets. Thankfully Sehun seems to be too exhausted to drag him back to bed as he gets up, heading to the bathroom to grab a washcloth to clean both of them up with. 

He almost leaves the bathroom without a second thought to go back when he catches his reflection in the mirror, pausing in surprise. 

Chanyeol has scratches overlapping on his shoulders and down his arms, results of Sehun’s grabby hands, and he can’t will himself to look at his back if his front is marked up this much. He’s going to be sore as hell in the morning and _he_ wasn’t even the one fucked. 

When he gets back into the room Sehun is still sprawled out on top of the blankets, and for a moment Chanyeol thinks he fell asleep already, but then one of his eyes crack open just a tad bit to see Chanyeol. 

It draws a big grin onto Chanyeol’s face as he moves back on the bed, already having cleaned himself up so he made quick work of cleaning up all the cum off of Sehun. He tosses the washcloth towards the door without much thought, something that’s going to get him in trouble for in the morning, but he can’t make himself care right now. 

Two minutes of wrangling an unwilling to help boyfriend under the covers pass quicker than he realizes, settling into bed with him and feeling Sehun already wrap his arms around Chanyeol’s waist, plastering his body to the other’s.

Chanyeol falls asleep in their bed for the first time in nearly a year feeling okay, feeling like he's fully back to himself.

There’s something on his head, maybe in his hair, that’s moving slowly, lulling him out of the grasps of sleep. 

Chanyeol tucks his body against whatever he’s wrapped around, not wanting to wake up just yet, but as soon as he does that the thing under him is vibrating, a soft noise that he hazily recognizes is a laugh coming from above him. 

“I know you’re awake enough to hear me.” Sehun’s voice comes from where the laugh previously was, making Chanyeol groan in protest.

The hand comes back to his hair, coming through the mess that sleep has left it before dragging his nails lightly along Chanyeol’s scalp, making the man’s breath stutter and his body completely relax against Sehun’s. 

“We need to finish cleaning up, I can see the washcloth you tossed at the door last night. “ Sehun says, and a soft whine leaves Chanyeol’s lips not wanting to get up and deal with anything just yet. “We need to shower, wake up baby.” 

“Dun wanna.” He grumbles against Sehun’s collar bones, holding him tighter as if that’s going to persuade Sehun into sleeping for another hour. 

“Have to, I have to piss.” Sehun grumbles, pushing at Chanyeol’s shoulder and Chanyeol lets him, rolling off him dramatically.

Sehun gets up after a moment untangling himself from the covers, walking to the connected bathroom to their bedroom. 

Chanyeol’s eyes instantly shoot to the other’s ass, seeing that the cum he couldn’t get last night is now all over Sehun’s thighs. 

It takes Chanyeol a minute to get his limbs in a working state, but once he does he trails after Sehun to the bathroom, knowing the other wants to clean up and he won’t be happy if he has to get in the shower alone. 

Surprisingly Sehun isn’t already in the shower because he’s feeling the faucet’s temperature for the bath that’s quickly filling up.

When Sehun hears him walking into the bathroom he looks over his shoulder, immediately locking onto Chanyeol’s torso and taking in all the now fading lines. An amused smile grows on Chanyeol’s lips as he leans against the doorway, letting Sehun take in all that he wants and crossing his arms over his chest out of habit. 

“It’s not too bad, you’ve done worse.” Chanyeol mumbles, making Sehun look back up to his eyes with a knowing gleam in his own. 

“I’m surprised you stopped at one hickey.” Sehun says matter-of-factly, turning back to feel the water again before seeming to decide it was alright. He steps in, pausing after each foot enters what he assumes is hot water, before sitting back against the wall of the tub and looking at Chanyeol expectantly. “Well? C’mon, I want to hold you.” Sehun huffs impatiently and it brings a bright grin to Chanyeol’s lips. 

Shaking his head fondly he walks over, easing himself into the water between Sehun’s legs before leaning back against his chest with a content hum as he feels arms securely wrap around his middle. 

He’s completely at ease, feeling any tension being held completely melt out of his body. Right now he just feels… safe. 

Sehun makes him feel completely safe.

  
  


Chanyeol just wants to get another drink.

It’s Baekhyun’s birthday and they all managed to get everyone free tonight miraculously. So when the bartender leans closer, Chanyeol’s buzzed mind thinks nothing of it and leans in a bit himself. The music inside the club is loud as hell, a bit better over here, but still it’s admittedly hard to hear. He repeats the drink to the bartender, giving her a soft smile before she leaves to fix the drink. 

Whatever happens next is a bit of a blur, he remembers a woman sliding up uncomfortably close next to him and touching his hand that’s on the bar. In the next seconds he can’t keep up with how quickly things happen, but her face gets terrifyingly close to his and when he can’t manage to make himself break free of shock, lips cover his own. 

He can’t move, fear shooting through his body, completely sobering him up in a matter of seconds. 

Then, he’s being yanked back and he realizes that Sehun is in front of him, completely shielding himself away from the woman they’re both facing. 

“Are you fucking _kidding me?!”_ Sehun nearly yells, completely enraged and that’s what it takes to make his body and mind come back online. “You kissed him without his consent! Do you want to get thrown out-” 

“Sehun.” Chanyeol breathes out, his hands shaking and in the back of his mind he realizes a panic attack is slowly taking over his senses. 

“-because that’s the least I could make happen right now! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Sehun keeps going, either not hearing or brushing Chanyeol off. 

A hand rests on his back, making Chanyeol flinch until he sees Kyungsoo’s face appear in the corners of his vision and he immediately reaches for him, not seeing Junmyeon coming over also at the commotion. Chanyeol’s shaky hands find Kyungsoo’s shirt and he lets him lead him away from the scene without any thought.

Chanyeol zones out in the next moments, only coming to when he feels a hand on his face. He realizes they’re not outside the club after a moment, and he’s sitting on the ground with his back to a wall with Kyungsoo crouching in front of him.

“I didn’t mean to.” He says, guilt starting to flood into his system over every other emotion. “‘Soo I didn’t mean to. You’ve gotta believe me, I didn’t kiss back- I didn’t _want that to happen.”_ Chanyeol gushes out, hands reaching out as tears begin to rapidly well up in his eyes, still shaking as Kyungsoo holds Chanyeol’s hands in his own. 

The voice that he thought was completely gone is now overtaking his entire mind, telling him that he could have stopped it, that he didn’t try, that-

_That Sehun is going to leave him._

“It’s not your fault, Chanyeol. She was drunk off her ass, she was _wasted_ and she kissed you without your permission. Both me and Sehun saw it happen, it’s okay.” Kyungsoo reassures and it works up until he hears that Sehun saw the whole thing. 

“He’s mad, right?” He asks in a small voice, eyes dropping down to the concrete below them. “He’s going to break up with me, right? I couldn’t- I couldn’t even push her away and I just _let her_ kiss me.”

It goes quiet for a few moments before Kyungsoo speaks up again. 

“Chanyeol… What happened to make you think like that?” Kyungsoo asks and that’s what rips out a dry sob from Chanyeol, fully breaking him down again after all this time.

“You’ll hate me too if I tell you! I’ve- I’ve gotten back to normal now finally and then _this_ happens and it just proves that I can’t… I don't deserve him, ‘Soo.” 

In a split second one hand is pulled away from Chanyeol’s and the worst floods through his mind, that his closest friend from high school is leaving and he’s going to have absolutely _no one_ to turn to and he’s going to be alone-

“Sehun get the hell out here, Chanyeol needs you.” Kyungsoo snaps, leaving no room for argument and it sends chills through Chanyeol. There’s a moment of silence, presumably Sehun speaking, before Kyungsoo’s voice cuts through the night air again. “You’ll see us. You’re taking him home right now or _I will_ . _”_  
Then before he knows it the hand is back on his own and Kyungsoo is calling out his name in a much more gentle, soft tone, making him look up again. 

“He’s not mad at you, he’s angry at _her,_ ‘Yeol. Talk to him about what just reset you back, or if you can’t, call me in the morning and I'll listen to everything you have to say.” Kyungsoo instructs and Chanyeol finds himself nodding along, knowing all too well that Kyungsoo can bring him out of a dark head space like this, Kyungsoo knows Chanyeol better than he knows himself. “He’s not going to leave you, he shoved you back in there to get you away from her. He wanted to protect you from her.” He says and those words manage to break through the fog of his mind enough to stop the tears, but not enough to fully console him and convince him it wasn’t still a possibility. His mind is a mess, he’s had enough drinks to keep him on the sober side but also enough that he can’t control his emotions right now. 

Kyungsoo turns his face to the side, looking at something before he turns back to Chanyeol, squeezing his hands before guiding them both back up to their feet. “Sehun called a lift, I’ll help you get into the car but from then on you have to do things, alright? You’re the strongest person I know, you can talk to him above all people about this.” Kyungsoo states, unlacing their hands and resting one on Chanyeol’s back again as he guides him towards the road.

Chanyeol draws in a shaky breath, nodding and trying to convince himself the best he could right now that this is going to be okay, Sehun was angry at the woman, not Chanyeol. 

When hands shift and a new, intimately familiar set rest on his skin he can’t help but flinch even if it’s only the smallest of movements before he lets the other man guide him into the back of the car. 

There’s a pause, the door still open and Chanyeol can faintly hear Kyungsoo speaking, but he can’t make out what he’s saying before Sehun gets into the car and the door shuts. 

Not even seconds later the car drives off, and Chanyeol seals his lips shut, becoming the coward he was all those nights ago when confronted.

He manages not to look at or touch Sehun until they’re unlocking the door, his hands tightly balled into the pockets of his jeans when all he really wants to do is wrap his arms around himself and make himself as small as possible to hide away from Sehun. 

He knows that they have to talk about this, he _knows that,_ but it doesn’t take away the feeling of impending doom. The last time they had a big confrontation of feelings Sehun left him and their apartment. 

They both end up on the couch without speaking, sitting there for a few moments with Sehun watching him closely, and Chanyeol drawing his knees to his chest, wanting to just disappear right now. 

“What happened out there, hyung? What’s got you so worked up?” Sehun asks in a gentle voice, breaking the blanket of silence between them.

It’s quiet for a while, Chanyeol is too scared to open his mouth at first, but when he does, it’s barely audible.

“I didn’t mean to, Sehun. I… I should have pushed her away.” 

‘What are you talking about, Chanyeol?” Sehun asks, scooting closer and taking one of Chanyeol’s hands into both of his own, holding onto it tightly. “I understand that you didn’t mean for it to happen. That wasn’t your fault back there.” 

“But- But I could have done something, she had her tongue in my mouth by the time you got there. You’re mad I let it happen, right? I didn’t mean to, I promise. I just- I couldn’t move.” Chanyeol rambles, feeling Sehun’s grip tighten dangerously on his hand. 

“Chanyeol, look at me for a second.” Sehun instructs and it takes a few seconds before Chanyeol can gather up the courage to look at him but when he does, all he sees is confusion and concern painted onto his features. “I’m furious, yeah, but at _her_ for touching you. _None of that_ was your fault, you didn’t know she was going to try something like that. It’s okay, I understand that you didn’t want that to happen. I would never leave you because of some dumb ass wasted girl that kissed you without your permission.” 

Chanyeol is stunned for a good minute, slowly absorbing in what Sehun just said before the realization hits him. 

Sehun isn’t leaving.

“You’re… sure you’re not mad at me?” He asks quietly, watching Sehun for any indication he is lying, but he finds none as Sehun shakes his head, a small loving smile appearing on the other’s lips. 

“I’d never get mad at you over something that you can’t control.” He reassures and that melts the tension out of Chanyeol’s body, a shaky breath of relief escaping his lips. “C’mon, we can talk more in the morning but I bet you’re just as tired as I am.” Sehun says softly, getting up and extending a hand to Chanyeol who immediately takes it, standing up and trailing right behind him to their bedroom. 

He doesn’t bother to peel off his clothes, he feels disgusting, he can still taste the whiskey she must have downed right before kissing him. 

Sehun reaches over, pulling Chanyeol close and he lets Sehun wrap his arms fully around him, holding him securely. He doesn’t do the same, his hands stay to himself, but he never pushes Sehun’s away.

It takes nearly an hour for Chanyeol to feel at ease enough to fall asleep, but Sehun keeps rubbing his back soothingly until he goes under.

_Chanyeol has never kissed another person except Sehun._

Chanyeol wakes up to an empty bed and a splitting headache. 

He lies there for a few seconds before moving a hand over to Sehun’s side of the bed, finding it already gone cold, and that sends Chanyeol’s heart racing as he slowly begins to remember the events from last night. 

Despite the way it completely kills his head, Chanyeol manages to sit up in the bed, covers falling off of him as he moves. 

_Sehun wouldn’t leave now, right? He said he wasn’t going to last night. He wouldn’t lie. Sehun loves him. He’s fine, Sehun is probably just in the other room._

He only realizes he’s still in the clothes from last night when he swings his legs over the side of the bed to stand up, pausing for a second to register that. 

Chanyeol strips out of the clothes right there, slipping on a new set of clothes after before b-lining to the bathroom. It takes three rounds of brushing his teeth and one mouthful of mouthwash to make him feel even remotely clean again, but even then he can still feel her tongue against his and he doesn’t know how to get that to go away. 

When he comes out of the bathroom Sehun is waiting outside, pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

“You got up quicker than I thought, I cooked breakfast.” He murmurs with a warm smile and Chanyeol takes the things from Sehun, downing the pills easily.

“Kiss me.” Chanyeol blurts out, his grip tightening on the glass at the idea that just popped into his head. “Please make it go away? I can still feel it from last night.” Chanyeol requests, and immediately Sehun is taking his hand, leading him to the kitchen with a soft touch.

He sits Chanyeol down on one of the chairs at the table, taking the glass from him with a soft huff before he’s suddenly in Chanyeol’s lap. 

“I’m not leaving, Chanyeol. I’m not mad at you either.” He says determinedly, his hands coming to rest on Chanyeol’s shoulder while the other is completely stunned at having Sehun just suddenly _there_. “We're still fine, I still love you. It’s okay.” He reminds, and Chanyeol feels himself nodding along dumbly. “Do you want me to kiss you just to convince yourself that I still love you or do you only want the feeling gone.”

“I know… I know you love me. It’s just that I’ve just only ever kissed _you_ , I feel gross.” He says, trying to sound confident, but speaking honestly even if the first sentence takes a second try to get out. He knows Sehun loves him. Sehun has been so patient with him over the last months and when Chanyeol finally got to fully open himself back up Sehun _thrived_. 

“I can do that, I’ll kiss you, but are you sure you’re okay with it? I know last night you would even touch me again. I need to know that’s _you_ asking for it and not something else in that mind of yours.” Sehun says, completely serious as he runs a hand through Chanyeol’s hair. 

It doesn’t take a split second for Chanyeol’s hands to fly to Sehun’s sides, squeezing one to make his point. “I’m okay, it’ll take me a couple of days to get it out of my mind, but I’m not _that_ messed up again.” He says confidently, because yes, even if he feels disgusting, everything else is the same. Last night was the result of him losing himself in the spiral of a panic attack and thinking the worst. He doesn’t feel any hesitance towards Sehun, he knows Sehun isn’t going to leave him. He just… Can’t get the memory of the kiss out of his mind. “I’m okay. You can kiss me.” He repeats, giving Sehun a soft smile and that seems to be what Sehun needed to go ahead.

Sehun leans in, immediately taking control of the kiss from the moment their lips touch. It’s not gentle, but Chanyeol doesn’t _need_ gentle right now. Right away Sehun is pulling him along into a messy, needy kiss and he keeps up somehow even though it sends his mind spinning. He keeps the kiss simple for a minute, letting Chanyeol drown in the feeling before he’s sneakily slipping his tongue into Chanyeol’s mouth without any warning. 

A content hum echoes from Sehun and against his own lips, making Chanyeol tighten his grip on the man’s waist. He doesn’t know how long they stay like that, Sehun practically devouring Chanyeol in the kiss, not giving him any chances to recover before lips are back on him.

 _It worked,_ he realizes once Sehun seems to be satisfied and pulls back to rest his forehead against Chanyeol’s. 

“Better..?” Sehun asks hesitantly, still trying to catch his breath and Chanyeol nods the tiniest bit.

“Much better. Thank you.” He breathes out, leaning in and pressing another brief kiss in thanks to his cheek.

  
  


After that incident they’re both much more careful to not let Chanyeol spiral again, but Sehun never babies him or acts like he’s walking on glass. 

In the following months only one other incident happens where Chanyeol just gets overwhelmed in a bad way suddenly in the middle of them making out one morning. Sehun immediately stops and asks if Chanyeol wants to stay touching, and when Chanyeol desperately nods he’s being gathered up to lay on Sehun’s chest. 

  
  


“Hey Chanyeol?” Sehun calls from the kitchen where he’s cooking breakfast one morning nearly two months after the incident in the club.

Said man just hums not looking up from his computer where he’s finishing up on one of his last papers to turn in for his classes. He only completely lifts his attention away when Sehun reappears walking towards him. 

He tosses something at Chanyeol and the other lets out a yell, scrambling to catch it while also trying to not fall off the couch with his laptop.

When he does, his mind blanks. 

His eyes immediately shoot back to Sehun, who’s standing there watching him with his hands in his sweatpants's pockets and a mischievous grin on his lips. 

“Wanna get married?” He asks after a moment, and Chanyeol feels like he’s a second away from fainting. 

“Please tell me there’s not a ring in this box.” Chanyeol says after a moment, but when Sehun just shrugs and his grin overtakes his face, he falls back against the back of the couch with a loud groan, scrubbing his free hand over his face before looking back to Sehun to make sure this is actually happening. “Are you proposing to me? Like right now? When you’re supposed to be watching the bacon?” 

Sehun shrugs, but the smile never leaves or even dips slightly. 

Chanyeol is quiet for a moment, just staring at him before he lets out a rough breath, a smile cracking onto his lips despite his best efforts. “Get over here you _punk_.” He fusses, and Sehun practically scrambles over to him, wrapping his limbs around Chanyeol the best he can with the laptop still there on his lap. 

“Hurry up and answer or the bacon is going to burn.” Sehun whines, pressing a kiss to his lips and Chanyeol lets out a bright laugh. 

“Sure, doesn’t sound like the worst idea.” He mumbles, pulling him back into another longer kiss before they’re broken out of their bubble by angry popping coming from the kitchen, telling them that the bacon is indeed starting to burn.

“Fuck!” Sehun hisses, pressing one last quick kiss to Chanyeol’s lips before he runs back into the kitchen, drawing a loud laugh of Chanyeol. 

  
  


“What the fuck is on your finger?” Baekhyun accuses in the middle of lunch, making Chanyeol pause where he is bringing a fork with meat to his mouth, his other hand laced with Sehun’s under the table.

“Uh…” Chanyeol blanks, knowing exactly what he’s talking about, but not knowing how to actually go about it.

“A ring.” Jongin realizes, his eyes shooting from Chanyeol to Sehun, and back to Chanyeol again. “Oh my god are-”

“You two got engaged and didn’t tell us!” Baekhyun accuses dramatically, sounding extremely offended but the growing smile on his lips betray that. 

“It’s not a big deal.” He murmurs at the same time that Sehun happily says “Yeah, we did.”.

From there on it’s a riot between Jongin and Baekhyun, Chanyeol shrinking a bit at the attention. Sehun answers everything the two ask, his hand squeezing Chanyeol’s every now and then, the cool band still feeling weird when their fingers are laced, but a good kind of weird.

That night all of it seems to settle in for Chanyeol, the feelings from the day finally making it all feel real.

“We’re engaged.” He murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to Sehun’s fingers where they’re laced. “We’re going to get married.” 

“That’s kind of the whole point, yeah.” Sehun quips, and Chanyeol elbows him in the ribs in retaliation. 

“Are we going to pick one last name or are we going to keep both?” Chanyeol asks, contently smoothing his thumb over Sehun’s.

“Yours. I like yours better.” He says without hesitation, surprising Chanyeol fully. “Or we can keep our own, I don’t care that much about the specifics like that.”

“Park Sehun, huh?” Chanyeol teases, earning a huff from Sehun as the other rolls his eyes. “Hey, stop that. I love it. I love _you.”_ He murmurs, leaning over to press a gentle kiss to his temple. 

“We’re engaged, I hope you do by now- _Hey!”_ Sehun starts again before Chanyeol elbows him again, drawing out fits of giggles from both of them. “I love you too.”

  
  


“When are we going to tell our families?”

“Ideally never, they’re going to flip that they weren’t here when I proposed.”

“Yeah, who the fuck proposes in the middle of cooking and _throws the ring at me?”_

“Leave me alone, you agreed so it worked.”

“Mm, I guess.”

“How about we wait until we wait until we get married and tell them by mailing the wedding invite?”

“We’re telling them in person, Sehun.”

“Fine, have it your way.”

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a throwaway fic because I thought it would be too heavy of a topic for a fic right now, but I said fuck it and finished it up finally after a few months of it sitting in my docs.  
> Feedback is always appreciated!!! I always love talking abt the boys and would love to hear what someone else's take on this was?  
> I'll come back and proofread this in a few days, but I've looked over it enough to send it out by now lol.
> 
> just remade a [twitter](https://twitter.com/softrci), so you can find me there if you want to chat  
> until next time <3


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